Ep 9: Breaking the Rules to Build Real Connections with Community Builder, Carly Valancy
“Life is about who you choose to know. The best opportunities, jobs, and moments in my life came from following my curiosity and reaching out to the people I genuinely wanted to connect with.” - Carly Valancy
About this Episode
In this episode of Seeking the Overlap, Baily Hancock sits down with writer, community builder, and creative visionary Carly Valancy to explore the art of authentic connection. Carly, whose career spans performing on Broadway stages to creating the Reach Out Party community, shares how breaking the conventional "rules" of networking can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Together, they unpack the power of vulnerability, why two-line emails can be just as impactful as carefully crafted ones, and how following your passions can help you find the right people. Carly also reveals how embracing authenticity not only builds trust but opens doors to unexpected opportunities. Whether you’re a networking enthusiast or someone who’s always felt out of place in professional settings, this episode will inspire you to rethink connection as a practice of truth-telling, humanity, and shared curiosity.
Topics Covered
Breaking the Rules of Networking: Why ditching perfectionism and embracing brevity and vulnerability in outreach can lead to surprising opportunities.
Finding Your People: How following your curiosities and passions can help you connect with like-minded individuals.
The Long Game of Networking: Why meaningful connections take time and how to plant seeds for future opportunities.
From Performer to Community Builder: Carly’s journey from Broadway to creating communities centered on connection and creativity.
Authenticity as a Superpower: How telling your truth can resonate deeply and foster trust in both professional and personal relationships.
Resources Mentioned
Visit Carly’s website
Subscribe to Carly’s Substack, a good omen
Little Weirds by Jenny Slate
About the Guest
Carly Valancy started her career as a performer on all kinds of stages— from barns to Broadway. Since then she’s been a community builder, founder, sketch comedy writer, wedding singer, and course creator. She writes a newsletter called "a good omen" and runs a community called "Reach Out Party," both of which are all about how to find the right people and the magic that can happen when we connect with them.
Timestamps
00:00 Introduction to Seeking the Overlap
02:22 Three Truths, No Lies
03:34 Breaking the Rules of Networking
07:07 The Power of Authenticity in Connection
20:35 Finding Your People: The Magic of Connection
28:03 The Long Game of Networking
31:38 Alt Networking: Unconventional Strategies
40:53 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Interview Transcript
Introduction to Seeking the Overlap
Baily Hancock: welcome to Seeking the Overlap, the podcast where we're creating a more connected world, one conversation at a time. I'm connection strategist, professional friend maker, and your host, Baily Hancock.
Have you ever felt like the world of networking and connection is just a maze of rules and expectations that don't quite feel like you? Like you're showing up, following the script, but still not finding the meaningful connections you crave? What if I told you that breaking the rules, letting your humanity shine through, is actually the secret to building genuine, lasting relationships?
Today's guest, Carly Valanci, is here to help us rewrite the playbook on connection. Carly's career has been as vibrant and varied as her approach to networking. She started out as a performer on stages, from Barnes to Broadway, and has since become a community builder, founder, sketch comedy writer, wedding singer, And course creator, she also writes the newsletter, a good omen and leads reach out party, a community dedicated to showing people how magical life can be when you connect with the right people.
In this episode, we talk about everything from how to find your people by following your curiosities to the surprising power of two line emails. Carly shares her unique perspective on stripping away perfectionism, embracing vulnerability, and showing up as your authentic self in every interaction.
Carly is a champion of authentic connection. So we got into why she believes life is all about who you choose to know and how planting the right seeds today can lead to incredible opportunities down the road. So if you're ready to toss out the rule book and embrace a more human way of connecting, let's get into it.
Baily Hancock: Carly, welcome to Seeking the Overlap.
Carly Valancy: Hi, thank you for having me. I'm very happy to be here.
Baily Hancock: You come very highly recommended by our dear friend, Molly Beck, the queen of networking and connection and connecting people. She's one of those super connectors that always comes through for me, a fellow super connector.
And that is much appreciated because I feel like super connectors often get kind of left out because people assume we're good on all our connections. So shout out to Molly.
Carly Valancy: Shout out. Love you, Molly Beck. And I'm so excited to finally be able to chat with you. I feel like I've been hearing your name through Molly's world forever.
Baily Hancock: I'm super excited to chat with you today about all the things, a good omen, your newsletter, reach out parties, which you do based on Molly's book, reach out.
Three Truths, No Lies
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Baily Hancock: But before we get into all of that, let's play our little segment.
Three truths, no lies. Are you ready? I'm ready. Okay. Question one. What is your comfort TV series or movie?
Carly Valancy: I think it, it changes with different seasons and I don't mean like seasons of my life. Like literally seasons. So given that it is the end of summer, early fall, and we're recording this I just rewatched holes, the movie, random.
So random and it brought me so much comfort and joy.
Baily Hancock: Is there something about it that keeps you coming back over and over?
Carly Valancy: The actors are great, the storyline is just so classic, there's just a real hero's journey, there's a lot of friendship, talk about connection, and I just, I love the whole storyline.
Every piece of it just makes me feel like I'm a kid again, which is a good feeling to have.
Baily Hancock: It is. Nostalgia is real. The nostalgia comfort is very real and there's nothing wrong with that.
Okay. Question two, what's something you've changed your mind about?
Carly Valancy:
Breaking the Rules of Networking
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Carly Valancy: I used to have very kind of strict rules for my networking practice, as far as every email should contain a set of specific tactical things, and if they include all, five of these things, then I can consider it a really great email.
Email and be happy with that, whether I get a response or not. And recently I've been breaking a lot of my own rules and breaking a lot of the rules, quote unquote, rules of networking and have just been doing that with the goal of and the goal of learning. And it's been a lot of fun and I've actually been really surprised by the responses that I have gotten when I think oh, this is such a big deal.
This is a bad email, but I'm going to break the rules and I'm going to send it because it is genuine and heartfelt and it's how I feel. And I've been surprised that I've gotten some really interesting responses and cool opportunities from breaking those rules.
Baily Hancock: Okay. So what. What is a traditional rule following email versus one of these avant garde additions?
Carly Valancy: There are a lot of, there are a lot of little things, but a big thing, which actually comes right from Molly backstage. This wonderful book, Reach Out that I still implement in most of my emails, but that isn't, I have it's not like a hard and fast rule for me anymore. Is that every reach out must contain a gift and a gift can be many different things.
It can be a service that you offer. It can be feedback that you share with someone. It can be a podcast recommendation. Or it can be a very specific compliment. And oftentimes when you include a gift in your email, it can become like a really long, it can become a really long email. It can take a long time.
And. I've gotten into the practice of just sending two line emails, like really short. I think, I don't know, maybe times have changed over the past couple of years, but I just think email is a really busy, complicated place for a lot of people to spend their time, myself included.
And I noticed that when I get like super short emails from people, I'm more likely to respond really quickly. And so I've been taking out The gift, taking out the for example, something like apologetic language is one thing that is like a rule that's like never say the word just in an email or don't like apologize in your email.
You should be proud to show up in this person's inbox and you're well, you're absolutely welcome there. But. Sometimes I feel apologetic and sometimes I feel like, sorry. And sometimes I want to say the word just because I feel insecure. And that is like a really genuine feeling. And I have been playing with things like the first line of my email being like, I am super nervous to send this email and I just want to get that off my chest.
Okay, now I can go into it. And It's been a lot of fun to just break those little rules to start sending, one to two line emails to complete strangers to apologize if I'm, if I want to, and to just follow my gut on like how I'm feeling in the moment.
The Power of Authenticity in Connection
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Baily Hancock: I think there's something really beautiful in that because I imagine that those, I almost like etiquette tips or empowerment tips, because it's always geared towards women.
Men don't have to be told not to say just in an email, right? We're told stop apologizing, stop acting like you're nervous, act like you're supposed to be there. So while I think that those bits of advice can be really helpful and I understand they're coming from the right place, it also strips us of our humanity because human beings are nervous and sometimes they do feel intimidated.
And I think that when you can. Pull back the armor of basically stripping away your insecurities and your fears and your anxiety about reaching out to somebody and show people like, hi, I'm a person behind this email. I'm not some tough girl that like is impervious to any of these things. It shows your humanity.
And that makes people feel like they like you more and they connect with you more. Like I have a lot of feelings on this whole perfectionist, like polished vibe that we have been trained to have, especially on LinkedIn.
Carly Valancy: Oh my God.
Baily Hancock: Yes. It's so inauthentic and everybody knows we're all walking around.
Like we have no insecurities at all. And we like have these perfectly polished top 10 tips to blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's Brenda, just act like a person, like just be a person. It makes people trust and like you more when you can show up as they are feeling, even if they're performing as well, or pretending to have it all together too.
We inside know that we are all insecure little beasts that like, don't know how to do humaning. So I think there's a balance, right? So I love that you're doing that. You're taking ownership of your outreach.
Carly Valancy: Yeah. I like to think of networking and of reaching out as okay, what can I do here to establish a genuine connection?
And especially professionally, it's hard, it can be hard to do that over email. And it can take a long time to establish a genuine connection, however you might measure that, and I always think about okay, what's the fastest path towards success.
A genuine connection like that's the goal here when I'm reaching out to someone is I just want to connect with them on our on a human level and I've found that the removing and stripping away that sort of like professional rule following etiquette kind of fast tracks you to Meeting someone on a more human level because it's so rare that someone gets an email Like that, and so that's really that can be really special and can stand out.
When a person is getting a ton of emails. Totally.
Baily Hancock: And I think the brevity is also something there. Cause it's true. It's Oh my God, if I have to respond in bullet points to this five paragraph email, it's going to take me longer to craft that. And I'm going to overthink it. And then too much time is going to pass and then I'm going to feel guilty.
And then it's Oh my God, now I have to apologize, it's just too much. And I think If you can hook them with whatever that is, your vulnerability, like you're talking about, or just whatever the subject line is, get straight to the point. I think that opens the door for more conversation as opposed to it being this like onslaught of information that they have to sift through before they can even respond to you.
So I think you're really onto something there.
Carly Valancy: Thank you. I think so too.
Baily Hancock: Okay. Question three, what is your least favorite icebreaker question?
Carly Valancy: I went to school for a musical theater and a lot of our theater classes would start with a fun fact about yourself. I'm like, nothing about that is fun for people.
Baily Hancock: I think that is a very quintessential cringy question because you're like, there's nothing fun about me. I have no facts about, I don't know a single thing about myself. And it's this panic.
Thank you for playing three truths. No lies.
All right. So you have had such an interesting diverse career, performing on Broadway to community building, how has your background as a performer influenced the way that you connect with people or how you approach connecting with others?
Carly Valancy: Oh my gosh. I think that the reason why I fell in love with theater and performing in the first place is connection and is community. I found, I was in my first show my freshman year of high school and I love theater. I love storytelling. I love playwriting. I love all the things, all the nerdy things that theater kids love, but more than anything else.
I just love the people. I, it was the first time where I felt like I really belonged in a community where I felt like I was able to be myself and to express my passions with people who had similar passions. And it was really the only thing that I thought okay, if I'm going to go to college and get a degree in something, it should be something that I really want to spend four years doing.
my life doing and yeah, theater was the only thing. And I continued through my career and moved to New York and had all of these incredible opportunities performing. But I, looking back, I really, I don't miss the being on stage part like at all. Because I think the whole reason why I found that career in the first place was just the opportunity to feel the feeling of finding your people and connecting and building a community with those people and making art with those people.
And yeah it's it's the whole, it's the whole thing.
Baily Hancock: It sounds like you very quickly realized that Your overlap included the love of performing the love of that community, that shared co creation, the collaboration. And I think, especially theater, I love performing too. I never pursued it.
And I always wanted to be a Broadway actress because same, like I, that feeling of that unknown energy of. You could do the same performance every single night and it's going to be different and feel different every single time. That's so thrilling. And I think, something very cool about connection.
When you're experiencing a shared activity or experience, whether it's a concert or a deep conversation, your brainwaves literally sync up. And I feel like when you're performing or you're creating art or you're in a moment like that, you must all be totally in sync because you have to be.
You're a cohesive organism when you're together on stage. So I feel like you were checking so many boxes of connection with that specific activity. And then, everybody knows you'd go to anybody's high school. The theater kids are all sitting together at lunch. They're doing everything together.
Carly Valancy: A hundred percent. Yeah. And even, I still I'm really involved in the Broadway community in New York and. I just love being like a patron of the arts now since I stopped performing a couple years ago and I was recently in I was in London last week and I saw Next to Normal on the West End and I hadn't seen, it was one of those shows that I was obsessed with when I was a teenager and I hadn't seen the production since I saw it on Broadway with the original cast which was the coolest experience, but I still get the same feeling.
It's the same feeling that you have, like you were saying, when you have an electric conversation with someone or when you are reunited with your best friend who you haven't seen in a long time, but you still instantly, connect. And it's, I sat down In the theater and the overture started playing and the actors came out on stage and I was like, just like that warm feeling of belonging and feeling like I'm home.
It's such a beautiful feeling to have.
Baily Hancock: That's exactly it. It's feeling like you're home. It's that feeling of like home base of safety and security and love. And belonging, right? It's that is the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy. Oh my gosh. This is why I think connection fits right there at the deep parts of what we desire as human beings, because it hits on all of those feelings of safety and belonging and love.
There is this recognition of overlap, whether you're thinking of it as an overlap or not, your body feels it like, Oh, I'm with my people.
Carly Valancy: I think one of the things that I really love about theater That I've totally taken into my career in tech and in writing is that the goal of a really good production is to just tell the truth. And the goal is just to tell the truth because the truth resonates.
And that is something that I think is really. amazing about great theater is that when you walk out of a production or you see someone like sing a really amazing song that touches you, it's just because a little piece of truth resonated with you in a way that is like almost indescribable. And I think that is one of the most transferable pieces of once I left my performance career, I was like, Oh, this is still extremely applicable to every industry.
And just that, in, my work with tech and education and marketing The goal is just to tell the truth and to resonate with people on a human level and even down to the granularity of like, how do we send a good email? It's a goal should just be to tell the truth as, as much as you can.
And when you do that, you'll connect and make genuine connections with the right people. And I think that's, yeah, that's definitely a big piece of my theater career into, where I'm at now.
Baily Hancock: I think what you just said is exactly what we're talking about when we say authenticity, right?
It's telling the truth to yourself first and other second. And it's so wild because this time last year in 2023, I had this very clear. Like desire to start. And I wrote it down, start telling the truth. Not about, it's not like I was lying about things. It's that I had grown up as this overachiever perfectionist type.
And as I got towards the later half of my thirties, I realized that I wasn't certain what was true about me and my story and what was manufactured or perfected. And I wrote down, tell the truth more often. And even as I wrote it, I was like, what are you talking about? And it became more and more clear over time.
And it's really crystallized in the last year. But what I meant was you can't show up vulnerably and authentically to others if you haven't sat down and figured out what's going on what is true about you and your beliefs and your values and your goals and your dreams. And if you're living for somebody else, which so many of us do, whether that is a real person or just society or this made up person that we're performing for, whether it's your first grade teacher in your head or whoever you wanted to impress as a child, we so often live as if we're performing for that person.
Or those people instead of just being who we are and telling the truth about who we are and Everything you just said is so it's like locking in now. It's Oh, you feel something because it's true. And truth is inherently universal. Even though we all have different beliefs, when somebody tells the truth as it is for them, that is almost like the vibration that comes through.
And even if you don't believe them or you don't have the same experience, you can feel it's like the signal is stronger when it's true. Versus when it's manufactured or inauthentic. And I know I have felt those connections where I'm like I feel like on paper I should like you, but something's amiss here.
And I think a lot of times people don't even know they're not telling the truth because they haven't done that inner work and reflection. This is why the whole first bit of this podcast this season was about Connecting with yourself, because I think you are missing out on so many deep connections by not having that ability to tell the truth or be authentic or be vulnerable with other people.
Carly Valancy: Absolutely.
Finding Your People: The Magic of Connection
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Baily Hancock: Something you said a bit ago about finding your people. You talk a lot about finding the right people in your newsletter, a good omen and in your community reach out party and how when you find the right people, magic can happen when you connect with them. But what does that mean?
How does one find the right people? What makes them right? What are the qualifications for being a right person for you?
Carly Valancy: Totally. I think this is A really interesting question, because it really connects back to why networking is such a uncomfortable, cringy, ugly whatever word to so many people and so many of the most interesting and creative among us will remove ourselves from oh, networking.
I don't like that. That's not for me. And It's so interesting to me because and this is another something that I took from the theater world, but I think it's true of every industry, but I remember when I was in college, it was nailed into me that it was like, kid, like life's about who you know, it's all about, it's like this industry, you're going to make it in New York City.
Where's Frank Sinatra mentoring you? Exactly. All of the professors I had. We're frank Sinatra. But but yeah, it's I I remember thinking like, okay, life is about who, you know, and that is such a trope that we have heard for our whole lives. And after reaching out to hundreds of strangers consecutively, I have come to believe that it's an extremely true saying, and yet so many people don't believe it.
take the time to explore who we know in our lives. A lot of the times it's based on our families, our friends that we grew up with, or our zip code, or jobs that we happen to stumble into, and we never really take the time to take agency over okay, wait, who do I actually want to know? And I think that building a strong foundation of and a strong network starts with the question of who do I want to know?
One thing that really surprised me in my practice of networking is the best opportunities that I've gotten, the jobs, the mentors, the like, crazy, fun, cool stories of wow, I reached out to this person and this ridiculous thing happened in my life. What the hell? Those things, they happened because I followed my own curiosity and my own obsessions.
And I think that is the indirect answer to the question of like, how do you find your people? It's by paying attention to what you yourself are curious about, what you yourself are obsessed with. What could you go down a rabbit hole for hours on the internet and just obsess about? Everyone has those things.
And there's nothing better, there's no better realization than Oh, the thing that you're obsessed with, there's hundreds of thousands of millions of people who are also obsessed with that thing, and who are, accessible via simple Google search. And I think a good example that I always use is especially for artists and for actors, let's say you want to break into film and TV.
What is your favorite TV show? Do you love I love the show hacks right now. Just finished the last season. So good. So good. I love hacks. And obviously when you think of okay there's the question of who made that thing? There are hundreds of people who helped make that show a reality from the top of the the people who wrote it and directed to the people who helped on, on set and the costume designers and all of, there's just hundreds of people.
But then there's also this outer layer, which is okay, who has interviewed people who are doing, who are, who have made the show hacks on podcasts or who has a YouTube channel about this. And it's amazing how, just how many people you can find who have the same obsessions that you have and who you can find common ground to connect to.
And then of course It depends. If you're trying to find your people, like you're trying to find more friends because you're moving to a new city, you're going to be looking for different things than I'm trying to find a new job, and I want to find people to work with that I'm going to enjoy spending, the majority of my days with.
I think that is probably the simplest and easiest way to put it is just think about what you're obsessed with and find the people who are related to those things in some form or fashion.
Baily Hancock: What you're saying is you should seek the overlap with people that There you go.
Obviously networking needs better PR. No question about that. Does it need a rebrand? However, people often think that networking equals I need a new job or I'm looking for whatever. And people go in very specific with networking, which is not a bad thing that is good to be specific about your goals.
But what people forget is that if you start in the overlap, even if it's hacks is my favorite show, I'm going to meet people who also really like this show, or who have had something to do with this show, those people are portals to other opportunities too, right? We contain multitudes and every single individual, regardless of their job title or how you met them, they are a doorway into infinite numbers of opportunities, ideas.
I always talk about the three I's info inspo and intros. It's like most connections can offer you one or more of those things. So even if you and I were to connect on a message board, do they still do message boards about hacks? Who knows? That could be the start of our relationship. But then you start to expand beyond that and you're like, so what do you do for work? Or what's going on in your life? Oh, I'm moving to a new city soon. Oh, where are you going? Oh, I have a cousin who lives there. Oh, my best friend from college is there. Like people are portals. So regardless how you meet somebody, regardless of the initial seed planted, There is so much opportunity that can come from that.
So I completely agree. Find your people to me means find people with whom you share a big overlap because you inherently feel like you know each other deeper without even having to dig too much initially you start from the middle and then work your way out from there.
Carly Valancy: Totally.
The Long Game of Networking
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Carly Valancy: And I think, It also just goes to show that most people who attempt, okay, I'm going to try networking, even though I don't want to, I'm going to try it because I need the job or I need something, whatever it is it rarely gives you the immediate gratification that you're looking for, the true secret is that Real networking is the long game.
It is about, it's the going back to the saying, life is about who you know. Life is about who you know. Your life is short and your life is long, and I think networking PR is very short sighted. And very much about that instant gratification of getting that opportunity. And truthfully so much of our lives socially through social media and through other forms of how we connect, is so Much about instant gratification, but it's almost like a beautiful kind of thing to approach networking as no, this is like a constant thing that is going to be present in my life.
I'm always going to be looking for it. Some seasons of my life, I'll be looking for it in a more intense way because maybe I do need a job and there's no shame in networking if you need a job at all,
Baily Hancock: it's one of the best benefits of having a robust network is making the job search process easier.
Carly Valancy: Yeah.
But then there's also just that constant humming in the background of your life where, if you're really paying attention to what you're curious about what you're obsessed with, it's fun to reach out to people who are obsessed with those same things. And then, who knows?
A couple weeks, a couple months, a couple years go by and all of a sudden you're like, Oh wow, that's so random that I met this person because of this completely other reason and now we are working together. And that happens all the time and that just literally just happened to me two weeks ago.
Baily Hancock: It happens to me weekly. Where I'm like, Oh, that's how that played out. Cool.
Carly Valancy: It's
Baily Hancock: Cool. That's why the garden analogy works so beautifully for networking because it's like, you're not going to go start tending to a garden when you're starving and you're trying to pick fruit that you haven't planted yet. And too often people do that with networking.
They're like, I need a new job. Who can help me get a new job? Hi stranger. Can you help me? And that just is not how it works. And if it works, Randomly you get lucky, but it's not consistent. That's not a strategy. And however, if you're always planting seeds, if you're always watering and nurturing and pruning the ones that are no longer working for you and reaping the bounty of your amazing garden, then it's going to be this lifetime of.
Great opportunities. And yes, of course, things are seasonal. And there are times when you're like, I really need to, I really need to pick some fruit. Like right now, what do I have that's available? And that's going to be the thing too. All your plants are not going to be on the same schedule. And that's a good thing.
You want diversity. You want things to be sprouting during different times of the season so that there's always something there. And it's unlikely that you're going to plant all the seeds and pick all the fruit in the same circumstance. In the same scenario. Thank you so much. It's just, that isn't how anything works and human beings are part of nature and it's just, we have to remember that we're not these independent creatures that don't follow the same rules as every other living creature on this planet. Okay. So final question for you.
Alt Networking: Unconventional Strategies
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Baily Hancock: Another concept you talk a lot about is alt networking or finding people in unconditioned Unconventional ways. And you just mentioned a little bit about that. I think your idea for finding people who have worked on a show that you're really interested in, that's such a cool idea.
What other examples of unconventional networking or alt networking have you seen work in the past?
Carly Valancy: I love the term alt networking because I think it, allows, it opens up access for people that think, oh, this is not for me to be like, okay, maybe this is for me.
But there are so many, there are so many strategies based on what your goals are. And even, I've recently been in a situation where I'm like, gosh, I don't even, I don't really know what my networking goals are right now, but I think just like a through line of my own. Life and career is I want to make interesting things with interesting people.
And however that plays out, that means like reaching out to interesting people. And so I think it takes a little bit of reflecting of what is interesting to me? Who do I want to really be around? A really good strategy that's worked for me is like, okay, Who would I love to work with five years from now?
What seed do I want to plant? Who are my super long game folks who right now I have nothing to offer them, they have nothing to offer me, but there's something there and I'm gonna write their name down and keep them in my orbit as much as I can, whether that means, Following up or just engaging with their social media consistently or reaching out once a year to share something new.
So I think like the super long game is a really cool strategy that I have but really enjoyed recently and I love to do it around like the New Year time because you're already doing the reflecting and planning sort of thing. So adding that into your New Year's resolution, whatever that routine looks like for you, adding in okay, who are my long game networking players and who do I want to keep in my sphere is a really fun one.
There's just so much content out there, there's like overload of the amount of things you can see, read, listen to, and I think that commenting on other people's work is a really cool way to go about networking that is alternative, indirect.
It's exactly what I did with Molly in the beginning. I just read her book and I loved it and then I made my own thing out of it because I felt like the one thing her book was missing was that it was not geared toward actors or artists at all. And I wanted to teach people how to reach out to an agent or casting director and how to book a national tour and that was nowhere to be found in Molly's work.
And I had started making my own spin on it. And once I had a theory about, okay, I took these ideas and then I added my own thing to it then I reached out to Molly and said, Hey I think the foundation you laid, Is amazing. And I think it's missing some things. And here's what I added to it.
And from that, one email, we ended up striking up a very now long running friendship, mentorship, and of course, building a course and workshops together. And it's been one of the most important relationships in my career.
I write on Substack, and I admire a lot of writers on Substack, and I also think it's really cool to have an opinion on someone else's work. If you see someone that's an expert in something, and that work has resonated with you what can you add to it? And share back with them.
And I think that's a really cool way of networking that, that offers up something to the person you're reaching out to.
Baily Hancock: It's almost like borrowing from the improv yes and, right? It's yes, I love that idea. And let me add something to it. And then you almost co create. Sync asynchronistically, right?
It's I'm co creating with you, even after the thing is done that you've done. And I talk about it all the time. One of the best ways to nurture your network is literally just show up for people in the comments. Amplify their posts, amplify their newsletter. Reply to their newsletter. It makes my day when people reply to my newsletter.
Cause I'm like, Oh, you read it. That's so nice. I spent a lot of time writing that. It's really nice to see that somebody read it and, had something kind to say or something to add to it. And That's definitely not what I was thinking when you said alt networking, that is just to me, like good networking, right?
It's like the not lazy networking, it's the human networking. It's networking like a person instead of like a machine.
I think the moral of this story and the moral of this whole conversation is authenticity, showing up and like reflecting back to people, what something meant to you, bringing something fresh to it so that you can show them that their work mattered to you or what they said resonated with you and you have something to give back that's along the same lines that really does form such beautiful connections. And we do live in such a virtual digital world now, everything you just said, all of that advice is something people can Turn off this podcast and go do right now, right? Whatever feed you scroll, whether it's LinkedIn or Tik TOK or Instagram or wherever, go and just engage with people that you respect and admire and maybe you've been a lurker and you've never even thrown a like their way, show them that there's somebody on the other side.
And just be generous and kind with your feedback or your gratitude for what they've done. And that right there is a door opener to a connection with that person that you might think is way out of your league that you might think has no business being friends with you or connecting with you because they're some important person, but we are all just people.
And we are all to take it back to the very beginning. We are all just little insecure creatures that are just trying to feel like what we do in this world matters. And so if you can touch on something that says me too, or, Oh, I love that thing also, or I love what you wrote, here's my perspective on it.
You've just established a connection point. You've just shown them there's something in your overlap. And I assure you, you've just created the spark or the seed of a connection that could turn into something beautiful long term.
Carly Valancy: Totally. One of the most impactful things that I read when I was reaching out consistently every single day was Jenny Slate's book, Little Weirds.
Baily Hancock: I loved that book.
Carly Valancy: Talk about resonating. That book hit me in ways I can't fully describe yet. And it's been years since I read it, but I, it's like always a, for the right person I'll give it as a gift, but one of the things, one of the lines in the book that really struck me and stood out to me was when I meet people, I'd like for them to feel like it's a good omen.
And that's why I named my Substack a good omen. But there was something about that, that You know, really resonated with, especially in regards to networking, where we can get so in our heads about all of the ways networking can go wrong, all of the ways we can get rejected, all of the ways we worry oh, what if this person thinks I'm this or that, and, there's a hundred reasons why Even though we know we should send the email, we don't, and most of those are very emotional reasons.
And I think that, that just one phrase has helped me every time I get into the headspace of Ugh, who am I to be reaching out to this person? Who am I to be, Asking for this opportunity. This is embarrassing. This is whatever those, those insecurities that come up. It's so human and so real.
And I think the goal of my work and life and something that I think has really helped me in my networking journey is just thinking, like, when are People meet me, I would like for them to feel like it's a good omen. Whether they do or not, okay, that's not really, that's out of my hands. But I think it, it has really helped me approach networking with sincerity and creativity and fun. And that's the whole point.
Baily Hancock: It really is.
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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Baily Hancock: It can be beautiful and so fun. And for what it's worth, I feel like meeting you now officially is definitely a good omen. We have so many overlaps. I'm so excited to know you. Thank you so much for coming on and having such a really honest and beautiful and soul expanding conversation today.
Carly Valancy: Thank you for having me. This was such a joy.
Baily Hancock: Oh, thanks everybody. See you next time.
Thanks for listening to this episode of seeking the overlap. I would be so grateful if you would take a second to rate review and subscribe, it really does help others discover the show. And if you share this episode on social, be sure to tag me at Baily Hancock so I can send you some love. Until next time, happy connecting.
